Imagine yourself in a situation where it's your child your trying to protect from a system wherein all other adults, the authority figures, seem to be working just to bring him down. Then imagine that it's your fault, because of a decision you made to take another child, who had nowhere to go, into your home. Thinking only of helping this boy, you would expect to be commended for this selfless act. But instead you are blamed for interfering, criticized for supporting him and your child, who happens to be in some minor trouble, is punished to the extreme, while being publicly humiliated, because the Judge sitting on the bench just happens to be friends with the boys grandparents. OK....go....what do you do??
This article comes from my own personal ongoing experience. My sons best friend has lived with his grandparents since shortly after birth, when both parents abandoned him. He is a good kid but has had no parental support. His grandparents don't want him and, for the most part, leave him to fend for himself. They are tired and do not want to support their grandchildren (there were five of them). The boy has done his best to make it, getting only into some minor, normal, teen-aged trouble. For instance, he was charged with truancy and actually sent to jail (at 17, he's considered an adult). Not one person cared to know his situation, never asked even one question and would not allow him to explain or even speak. They did not know that many days he had no transportation to school, how many times he walked in the rain or the snow, or that most days he didn't even have money for lunch.
When he came to our family, it seemed he was longing to experience a "normal" family situation, for he latched onto us and very quickly became a part of our family. His grandparents told him that when he turned 17, he had to leave. I didn't take it too seriously, thinking they didn't really mean it. But on his 17th birthday, he showed up at our house with all (or most) of his belongings........and he's been there ever since. Prior to this day, however, they had become infuriated that we were helping and supporting him, to the point that they actually made his natural father take him just to get him away from us. They put him on a plane to California, where he stayed for a couple of months with his cocaine-addicted alcoholic father in a 15' travel trailer with no running water or electricity. He resisted when his father urged him to try cocaine and never would take even a sip of alcohol. The last two weeks he was there, he stayed with friends because his father had disappeared, leaving him alone with no money, no food or transportation. His grandparents were contacted by the school and instructed to take him back home. Once back, he was immediately at our front door again. His grandparents would not answer his phone calls and when he showed up at their front door, they called the police to have him removed. So (just a side-note), now he is mine!!
This explanation comes so that you understand the situation and can truly see the injustice in it. My son, also charged with truancy, resulting, for the most part, from being late between classes (if you're late three times, it counts as one absence). Keep in mind, the Judge is good friends with the boys grandmother and had been filled in on her side of the story. The boy was with me the day I took my son to court because I had not had time to take him home first. I walked up to the bench when called, with my son, and the judge asked me "Is this (other) boy living with you?" I said "Yes," to which she replied "What makes you think you can raise another child when you can't even raise your own children?" I was stunned, infuriated and embarrassed. Now, I have five children and this is the first time one of them had been in court and it was only because he had been late to class too many times.
What right did she have to publicly humiliate me in that way? She had never met me or my children and had not asked even one question to give her any sort of knowledge about my family. I informed the judge that the boy had been kicked out of his home and had nowhere to go. She told me "I happen to know differently." To this, I said "He tried to go home and they wouldn't let him in. They will not accept his phone calls either. She then responded "Again, I beg to differ. I know for a fact that he can go home at any time." What?? Had this judge actually been discussing our case with her good friend?? It was obvious she was biased against my family and would not accept any explanation. In fact, I was not allowed to say another word. She then proceeded to give my child the maximum fines possible and suspended his driver's license until those fines were paid (they now total approximately $2500.00). When the other boy showed up in her courtroom, having just turned 17, she laughed, loudly at him stating "Yeah! You're 17 now! I can send you to jail!"
Now, though not really a "trial", I've always believed that a judge would hear all sides and provide a fair and impartial verdict. Well, I am here to tell you that it's not true. Judges have the power to make a decision without any evidence whatsoever, and apparently based solely on their own personal opinion. Is this a fair trial? Is there any law that says a judge must treat the people standing before her with respect and dignity? What are we teaching our children??
It only got worse when I refused to throw this boy out onto the street. We started having trouble with the police officer that patrolled the middle-school and the police department in general. We discovered later that this particular judge is married to the Chief of Police and that the officer at school is also good friends with the grandmother.....oh, what a tangled web they've weaved! Oh, and another interesting tidbit.....it turns out this boys grandparents collect close to $900.00 a month for raising him (until he's 18). He came back from California when his father tried to have the money sent to him, rightfully so as he was then supporting him. He was told by his grandfather, "I don't care where you live as long as I keep getting my check." To this day, after living with us almost two years, they have still received the money from our government to support him while we are supporting him, along with four others, barely managing to put food on the table. And we're the bad parents......???
I'm so infuriated still to this day! My son can not drive, and we desperately need him to do so. I still owe $2500.00 that I don't have and my children have learned (through many instances such as this) to have no respect whatsoever for police officers, judges or practically any authority figure. What right does she have to say to me, and let everybody in the courtroom hear, that I can not raise my kids? I have five teenagers, four of which we adopted. My whole life has been devoted to my kids. My husband and I are always with the kids when we're not working and she had not seen any of us prior to this day! Now, had my son been there for murder, we could talk....! I think it's time for a new judge!
Stacy Owens
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